The Nine and Six and One
To the editors of the Korranburg Chronicle:
I take exception to a recent article published in your periodical by one Paige Neverdown chronicling the destruction of the Ekcetera restaurant in Fairhaven. The story as written is fraught fallacious statements, inaccuracies, and, I dare say, libel. While I was present at the incident therein described, to say I was responsible for the damage that occurred is a statement without merit. Whereas, in fact, it is likely were I not there the damage would have been far worse. In addition, the insinuation that a wizard of my ability and talent is anything less than in full control of his powers is wholly insulting. I was not consulted as a source for this story nor do I know what other sources may have been consulted, if any, in the writing of this story, or what mood-altering substances in which they may have partaken. You have damaged my reputation and good name, which will not stand.
I am a man of reason, as one who has studied as I have must be. I demand a full retraction of this story published in a prominent position within your next issue. Further, I will require a letter of apology from Ms. Neverdown with admission of her lapse in journalistic integrity. I no longer wish to associate with Ms. Neverdown on future articles. In return, I would be pleased to grant one of your seasoned and more reputable reporters an interview to obtain accurate information on the incident, as well as anything s/he would like to ask a master of the mystic arts.
You should be aware that I have recently been summoned to appear before the council of the magic school of Arcanix. No doubt they will be interested in the real facts of this event, which I will provide. A publication of your repute would be done a disservice to be at odds with such an institution. Especially when due to the sensationalist acts of a poor journalist.
I trust you will take my terms under consideration.